for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
