I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
