Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
