p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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