If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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