And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
