Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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