You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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