so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
