I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
