some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
