Don't you send me to vm
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
