what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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