gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
