Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
