so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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