This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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