grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
