eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize