thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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