Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
