She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
