I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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