PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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