My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
