I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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