Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
