I wish I could punch you in the face.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
