Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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