I like my sex mixed with concussions.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
