omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
