My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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