Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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