Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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