I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
