I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
