I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
