I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
