I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
