I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
