Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
