Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
