so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
