We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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