You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
