Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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