On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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