Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
