The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
