He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
