I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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