Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize