I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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