The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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