eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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