i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
