After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
