and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
