im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
