Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
