You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
