I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize