he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
