You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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