Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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