Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
