quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a search helicopter?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
