I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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