Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
