Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
