I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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