You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
