I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
