he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
