im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize