Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need a beard to bite.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
