hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
