Im at strip club and am horny
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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