He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
