her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
