the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
