Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
