It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
