he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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