3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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