Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
