I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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