I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Say something about gay babies.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize