Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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