How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
